R3: radical, revolutionary, different

I have now reached 5 days without power, and I have to admit, I’m a little cranky.  Living without power has really forced me to consider a few things as I mentioned earlier.  But the most pressing is being caught between feelings of helplessness and “in the overall scheme of things this isn’t a big deal.”  Depending when you ask me, I’m either irritated or I’ll simply shrug my shoulders and say, “who cares?”  As a wise friend said the other day, “this storm reminds me that there is a God, and I am not him.”

helplessness

God - I’m confused.  Part of me feels helpless.  I can’t get into a rhythm with my life.  My routines are destroyed, and I find that I draw a lot of comfort from those routines.  Maybe that’s wrong.  Maybe I need to draw more comfort from you, and less from what I do with my time.  But I admit, not all of me feels helpless.  Part of me feels perfectly calm, because I know that none of these problems really matter.  Who cares if I can’t watch TV for a week?  Who cares if I had to throw away all my food?  What does it matter if I need to burn candles instead of flip a switch?  You tell us to not worry, because it won’t add a day to our lives.  And that if the flowers of the field don’t worry about clothing, we shouldn’t worry about our situations - because you already know what we need.

I know that there are people in worse shape than me.  But I still find myself being selfish.  I seem to be caught jumping from one extreme to the other.  And I feel guilty about that.  Help me to center myself on you.  Help this storm, this irritation, become something that draws me closer to you. 

Pull me closer Lord, pull me closer.

 <comments are open, feel free to add your own prayer for people who are currently living without power, both here and abroad>

A certain cable company (rhymes with “Time Warner”) has been causing me difficulties ever since I decided to downgrade my cable subscription.  Each day it seems to get worse. 

• On Thursday they collected my old digital converter box and reclaimed my cable modem (hence no Friday post).  I have high speed internet through them still, so this was a mistake. 
• Their mistake forced me to sit in my apartment waiting for them to deliver a new modem for 12 hours on Friday.  They never showed up.
• Saturday I didn’t talk to them - so no bad news.
• On Sunday I learned they can’t make it to my apartment until Wednesday. 
• This morning (when I finally had some working internet at work) I learned that they also shut down my e-mail address.  And since I’m looking for a new job, this is a bit of an issue!

Now I find myself with a choice: On the one hand I’m furious.  There’s a big part of me that wants to scream, “I didn’t cause any of this, why do I have to deal with it?!”  On the other hand I just wrote a prayer to God asking for patience.  Apparently God was listening, because there’s no doubt now have the perfect opportunity to work on my patience!

As Christians we’re called to live differently.  We aren’t supposed to respond like someone who doesn’t have that relationship with God.  Our lives are supposed to have a different feel to them.  Or as Jesus says, people will recognize our faith by the “fruit” we produce.  (Matthew 7: 20).  The problem is, at least for me, I don’t always want to live that way. I don’t always want to respond calmly, or patiently, and certainly not lovingly.  Sometimes I just want to get in there and argue to “prove” just how right I am.

But is this how Christians are supposed to act?

The times Jesus lost his temper with people were the times they were dishonoring God.  It was never when they were struggling with their own problems, or their own sins.  Jesus always had love, mercy, and compassion for those people.  And that’s how we have to deal with people as well.

No one at the cable company was trying to ruin my service intentionally.  No one wanted me to have a bad day.  In fact, their whole job involves listening to angry customers yell at them.  What kind of a toll does that take on someone?  So while I was angry I took this as an opportunity to minister to people.  While I never said, “hey I’m a Christian, God loves you!”  I did try to be calm, not raise my voice, and get things handled in a civil way.  It was an opportunity to submit to service, rather than exercise my pride (something I do all too often).

Christians aren’t called to be walked all over, but we’re not called to be jerks either.

I never know what to do when I meet someone who is homeless.  I find myself torn between two desires.  On the one hand I want to “make a difference.”  I want to help this person, because I recognize their suffering, and no one should have to suffer alone.  But at the same time I don’t think it does any good to give someone money if they are just going to use it on drugs or alcohol.  That’s not help.  Yet the Bible is filled with examples of generous love being given to people who don’t deserve it.  So how do you respond?  How do you walk the razor’s edge?

This weekend I was reminded of my dilemma.  While eating out with some friends we were approached by a homeless man.  He was clearly on drugs, and he admitted as much when he asked for money.  After an awkward pause we refused to help him.

I honestly don’t know if this was the right answer.  Maybe there was something more we could have done.  But this wasn’t our first conversation with this man.  Only a few weeks earlier he had asked us for the same thing (bus money).  Back then it was clear that he was on drugs.  At that time we decided to reach out to him, spend some time with him, and see if we could help.  As we talked to him (and bought him lunch) we offered to get him help that would make a difference.

He admitted he needed to clean up his life, but refused our help.  Insisting that all he “really” needed was some bus money and sleep.  It struck me then, as it did this week, that this is someone who knows he has a problem.  He’s not an idiot.  He doesn’t want to live on the streets.  And yet he keeps making the same decisions.  He keeps turning to the drugs and lifestyle that prevents him from getting the help he knows he needs.

In other words, he sounds just like me.

The only difference is my homelessness isn’t physical, it’s spiritual.  I may look great on the outside, but I know if I don’t guard myself, my soul all too easily becomes corrupted.  If I don’t constantly seek out help I can become angry, resentful, and filled with pride.  When I don’t take the help that’s offered to me my heart becomes hard, and some of the light goes out of my life.

While believing in Jesus is all that is required to be “saved”, that’s not all that God wants for us.  He doesn’t want the bare minimum.  He wants us to grow and to be changed.  Unfortunately we sometimes reject that path.  We sometimes tell God, “yes I understand my life is filled with sin.  But I just don’t want to change.”  And that’s a dangerous place to be.

It’s easy to look at someone less fortunate and feel pity for them.  It’s easy to start feeling superior.  But I think in some ways this homeless man has an easier path - at least he knows he’s homeless.  How often do I think everything is great in my life, when in fact my soul is homeless?

How do we know our lives matter?

That’s a question that seems to haunt me.  On the days that I feel most depressed are the days I question my value to the world the most.  Did I really make a difference?  Does my life really matter?

In a world filled with so much doubt, is it any wonder that we question if we matter?

The answer, of course, is that our lives do matter, and that we can make a difference.  God values each of us.  But we also have to want to make a difference.  We have to choose to embrace God.  We have to embrace curiosity, and be willing to take action.

That sort of sounds like work.  And it its. 

But that’s okay, because part of what God calls us to is to take action.  And sometimes action is difficult; we may not make the impact we want; we may not feel ourselves making radical changes for the kingdom.  Perhaps we should be doing more.  But as long as we’re moving towards God, we’re growing.  And as long as there’s growth, there’s meaning.

Have you ever loved someone so much that all you wanted to do was talk to them?  But because they were angry and frustrated they were avoiding you.  The thing is, they weren’t really even mad at you.  They were just upset at things in their life.  No matter what you tried, they wouldn’t talk to you.  They believed talking to you would mean having to deal with their anger, and it was easier to just keep quiet.

And as you sat there, you knew that all you really wanted was simply to talk to them.  Sure you’d have to talk about the problems bothering them at some point.  But it didn’t have to be right away.  You just wanted to spend some time with them.  To enjoy their company.  To love them. 

And as they avoided you, your heart broke.

I wonder…

Is that how God feels when we stop talking with him?

“We believe God has an agenda for you, but at Laity Lodge,
we don’t have an agenda for you.”  - Laity Lodge

Sometimes it is difficult to separate God’s agenda from your own.  Or God’s agenda from someone else’s.  And this confusion can have dangerous consequences.  We’ve all been in situations where we instinctively feel that there is more going on than meets the eye.  It’s usually these moments that we feel like we’re dealing with a “used car salesman.”  Where you know that while everything looks legit on the surface, there is something lurking just out of sight. Such reactions make us naturally suspicious, and resistant to God

That’s why I find this quote to be so interesting.  It quickly summarizes the approach everyone should take in any ministry.  Including the times we’re talking about God to our friends. 

I am a contrarian by nature, that means my instincts tell me that as soon as a few people agree on something I should disagree.  If someone would have been pushing an agenda down my throat when I first started going back to church I would have rejected it.  Instead, God allowed me to come to my own decisions.   And he let me come to it at my own speed. 

Now I have no one to blame buy myself!

This is also the philosophy I have tried to adopt at R3.  I don’t want this website to burden people.  You can get guilt from enough places in your life.  Instead R3 should be a place that challenges you, but lets you make the decision.  After all, that’s what God does - he challenges us with a radical way of thought and then says, “you’ve seen the evidence, now decide.”

Sometimes it’s difficult to follow God.

And yes, I realize that’s not a secret.  Anyone who has tried to live their lives with faith will admit that.  But that difficulty doesn’t always come with giving up possessions, loving your enemies, or helping those in trouble.  Sometimes the most difficult thing God can ask us to do is to be “real.”  

God doesn’t want us to have any pretense in our life.  Not with him, and not with each other.  And the only way to do that is to be vulnerable.  But that’s scary.  And it’s a bit radical.  OK, maybe it’s a lot radical!  It’s probably safe to say most of us go out of our way to hide our weakness, so this “vulnerable” thing sounds pretty intense.

But look at it this way, God is probably just asking you to share a little more of who you are with the people around you.  He’s probably just asking you to tear down some of those walls you’ve built up.  Y’know those walls that are preventing real and meaningful friendships.  Sure it’s scary, but it could be worse.  He could ask you to walk around with a yoke on your neck like he did with Jeremiah. 

Now that, would be embarrassing!

God had a plan for Jeremiah’s life.  And it was so radical, so different that the people around him thought he was a madman.  (Jeremiah 29:26)  That’s probably not God’s plan for your life.  So the next time you feel God calling you to show your weaknesses to other people and you feel embarrassed, just remember, he could ask you to wear a yoke!

Gabe Lyons came up with a crazy idea to actually study people’s opinion of Christianity.  He wanted more than anecdotal stories, he wanted some evidence.  To do this he enlisted the help of David Kinnaman of the Barna Group.  Their research led to a book entitled unChristian.     

But if you’ve been reading this blog for the last few days, you’re not surprised that unChristian is my “book review” this week!

unChristian has had a profound impact on me in a short period of time.  It’s really shaped the way I look at interacting with the world. It’s made me more sensitive to how I talk about God, and how I interact with people who don’t share my faith. 

Some people are looking for an excuse not to believe in God, and when we set a poor example, we’re only supplying that excuse.  But I’m not sure there’s much we could do about that.  If you’re motivated to reject God, you’ll find a reason.

What’s concerns me more are the people who are open to God, but because of our arrogance, pride, and general unpleasantness, we push them away.  And this is the thrust of unChristian.  The book shows just how strong of an impact we have on “outsiders” (their term for people “outside” of the church).  It’s filled with information, statistics (mostly percentages), and a ton of ‘hard truth’.

As I was reading it I couldn’t help but relate this back to my own life.  The book lays out six areas where Christianity is seen as unfavorable to the world.

We’re…

1.  hypocritical
2.  too “salvation” oriented
3.  antihomosexual
4.  sheltered
5.  too political
6.  judgmental

Too many of those areas touch close to home.  I’m often too quick to judge, and too slow to listen.  I’m quick to criticize, and slow to act.  I’m quick to point out flaws in others, and ignore my own mistakes.

And each time I do that, I run the risk of pushing someone away.  That’s the message I take away from this book.  That’s what I want to remember as I go into the world. 

One of the things that drives me (and therefore R3) is my own faith journey.  I had to learn who God was the hard, lonely, and painful way.  And  once I did, I found myself asking, why no one told me who Jesus really was.  Not the hippy version.  Not the wimpy version.  But the bold, dangerous, courageous, loving, and forgiving Jesus. 

Sometimes I send an unChristian message without realizing it.  And that’s something I need to find a way to change.  I can come up with a lot of excuses why – I’m tired, I’m lazy, it’s too hard, it’s too dangerous.  But are those really good enough?  Are those excuses Jesus would have used? 

I can’t always control what another person hears when I speak.  But I can be more aware of the message I send.  And how I act. 

As a Christian I should run to someone who is suffering, not holding back because they don’t believe what I do. 

I often wonder if I would be willing to drop everything and follow God.  As I sit in the comfort of my home, surrounded by my things, I think, “of course I would!”  But would I?  Would I have the guts to follow God?

To be honest I’m afraid of what true surrender looks like.  I enjoy my stuff, and there are certainly days I can’t imagine giving them up.  It’s one thing to be a leader like Moses.  Someone who, in a sense, got fame and glory.  He was The Man.  But what if that wasn’t the mission God wanted to give you?  What would you do then?  Would you volunteer?

Because that’s what Isaiah did.

Isaiah was eager to obey God.  He didn’t even stop to ask who, what, when, where, or why.  He just said, “send me.”  It makes me wonder if Isaiah knew what he was getting in to.  Did he even care?

In some ways Isaiah ended up with the short end of the mission stick.  His job was to tell Israel they were going to be judged and punished.  Talk about a job description!  In fact, in my NIV Bible there are dozens of pages devoted Isaiah’s speeches dealing with Israel’s punishment. 

That’s my dilemma though.  I want to be obedient, but I also want an easy assignment.  I think that’s something most of us share in common.  We all want to do something noble and exciting with our lives.  We just don’t want it to cost too much.  We all want to be the leader, and none of us want to give up our lives to do the grunt work. 

No matter who we are, or what we believe, God will eventually ask us to do something radical and crazy.  He will ask us to be different, to stand out, to make a choice.  When God says, “whom shall I send?” I want to be like Isaiah and shout, “send me!” 

I am convinced that bad drivers are stalking me. No matter where I am, somehow, I end up surrounded by people who shouldn’t be allowed to operate model cars, let alone motorized vehicles. It makes me wonder what the DMV is up to!

Take today for instance. On my way home I ended up behind a taxi (you know this isn’t going to end well!). At the first light the taxi stopped 2 car lengths before the light. At the next light, he decided to change tactics and stop one car length into the intersection! Between the lights he slowed down to a leisurely 25 mph in a 35 mph zone. Apparently he was sight seeing…

The final straw was the fact his meandering ways made me sit at 3 extra lights. If I had sped around him I would have made those lights. But I knew that was reckless, so I just let my anger bubble while I sat behind the guy trying to will him to drive the speed limit.

Let me tell you, no matter how much I used my “mental powers” to make him move faster, it didn’t work. Fortunately I had a left turn to make, which would allow me to escape the cab’s obviously evil clutches. Escape I did. Unfortunately another yahoo on up the road had conveniently pulled 1/3 of the way into my lane while trying to make a turn.

I was so ticked off that I swerved around him. Looking in my rear view mirror I made my “where did you learn to drive, ya idiot!” expression. The whole time thinking, “who pulls into oncoming traffic like that?! What is wrong with people?!”

I returned my attention to the road with just enough time to avoid rear ending the guy in front of me, who had stopped at the next light.

… …

Somewhere along the way I had become that lunatic. I had become the guy who had no business driving. Jesus said, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what other people are doing or saying that we not only ignore our own behavior, but it can actually make us do the wrong thing. If I had been focusing on the road, and not worrying about other people’s driving habits, I never would have been in that situation.

God talks a lot about how we should treat other people. And we often think it’s only for their benefit. But that’s not true at all. Sometimes the reason we extend grace and love to other people, is so we stay focused on the road and avoid our own accidents.