Sometimes I am amazed, and a bit ashamed, how readily I turn away from God. It seems that no matter how much God does for me, the minute a problem arises I start wondering why God has abandoned me. I can’t help but ask, “what have you done for me lately?”
Sadly I am not alone in this. Maybe I should be encouraged by that. But I am not. We all suffer from this same problem. We all wonder of God, “what have you done for me lately?” Even Mother Teresa had her moments of doubt and discouragement. Although in many ways it seems her life proves her exceptionalism in her faith: she experienced an intense interaction with God early in her life – and then virtually nothing for decades. My faith would have crumbled. Her faith remained.
We’ve been this way for centuries. Isn’t that the point of Adam & Eve? Satan told them, “God is holding out on you.” And they said, “yeah the garden is nice, and not worrying about zipping our pants is sweet, but what has God done for us lately.” And so they ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
I wonder, what our lives would look like if we remembered his past actions? What if we took those things seriously instead of tossing them aside? How many miracles would we need before we believed? One? Zero? Because if I really trusted God, and if I really put all my faith in him, I bet it wouldn’t take a miracle in my life to help me to believe. How many miraculous healings do you need to see before you think, “wow, maybe there is something to this God character?”
But I don’t take him seriously. Oh I say I do, and on the good days maybe I get close. I guess that’s part of the struggle of our faith. It’s this conflict that reminds me not to become too prideful. Because when it comes to crunch time I find myself demanding, “what have you done for me lately?!” I am no better than anyone else in that regard.
Which why I am grateful God is merciful. As the Psalmist said:
Yet he was merciful;
he forgave their iniquities
and did not destroy them.
Time after time he restrained his anger
and did not stir up his full wrath.
He remembered that they were but flesh,
a passing breeze that does not return.